Fear is a positive.

At 15 years old, I MC’ed a battle of the bands. I was a shy kid, though you would never know it if you saw me. I had bright frizzy hair, wildly colorful clothing and combat boots. 

I was scared to go on stage, but my mother told me something important. She said “Fear is a positive” I harnessed that energy and felt like it was a call to action. My fear was the reason I needed to go on stage.   By the way, I killed it. I was asked to MC another event.  

At 15 I believed I was destined to something great and I knew what I wanted. I wanted to make movies. I wanted to write. I wanted to direct. I wanted to have my own clothing line and marry a Beastie Boy.

Though some of those dreams have fallen to the waist side in the past (eh hem) years I still want to write and direct just as much as I did when I when I was a frizzy fearless fifteen year old.  Not for the fame or the fortune, I have nothing to prove, I don’t need to be loved by the masses. I just need to tell stories. 

I have been able to make a living in a rather tough field to gain entry to.  I have managed to make a living in Television Post Production (editing, AE, Post Coordinator) for over 10 years now. 

In addition to my day jobs I have managed to make a string of shorts that exceeded my expectations and were all well received.  Audiences laughed at the right point, they reacted the way I would have hoped, they liked my point of view.

Lately, I have that gnawing feeling inside that although I have been working in the industry I have gotten a bit off track.  I have some larger scale projects in mind. It scares the crap out of me, I’ll be honest.  But I guess maybe it is suppose to. If fear is what is suppose to kick us in the ass… Thank you sir can I have another.  

Cause what scares me most is not fear of failure but it is that I will live my life and never try to reach my goals.